Let's Talk Squash - SUSPENDED

The Squash Poet · Contributor Joined: 28 Aug 2007 Posts: 13

I pay my squash pro a lot of money to improve,
But a lot of the time I get more confused,
It’s not the pro’s fault – No! He is first-class,
It’s just that I can’t tell my elbow from my ass!

But I will keep at it, I so love this sport,
How can it be I’m so whipped every time I’m on court?
At least if I don’t improve I get run into the ground,
And I can thank my squash pro for losing forty-five pounds!

"My Squash Lessons"
I took a series of lessons with our hot new squash pro,
A star on the tour which was not long ago,
I was desperate to learn all the tricks of the trade,
My play has been awful for almost a decade.

How do I hit that ball always straight?
Why do my opponents always anticipate?
Teach me how to avoid hitting out,
And what on earth is a ‘corkscrew’ about?

So I took to the court expecting the best,
But it didn’t take long before I was really depressed,
I knew my game needed help all along,
But was every aspect of my technique so wrong?

On your toes, racquet up, watch the ball, to the ‘T’,
To hit it straight, hit in line with your front knee,
Not too close, not too far, turn your hips, face the wall,
Weight forward, perfect balance, but hang on! That’s not all!

Make sure you swing through but follow-through very straight,
Don’t turn your hips… Whoops! Too late!
Try it again, but this time keep your trunk very still,
Now repeat a thousand times if you want to master this skill!

Just as I thought I was getting command,
He switches up sides and we start on my backhand,
The movement is the same – it’s a piece of cake!
Just make sure that your wrist doesn’t break!

Having a cocked wrist seems an impossible task,
And by now I’m wishing I bought my hip flask,
Run forwards, now backwards, now side-step and skip,
And while we’re at it, let us change up your grip!

The boasts and cross-courts have me completely perplexed,
Reading a ball off three walls appears terribly complex,
Don’t run to the corner, don’t scoop, bend your knees,
Turn your hips, racquet back, hit a boast if you please.

Head up, concentrate, get in front, then attack,
When you’re in trouble hit a lob, to the ‘T’ then comeback,
Hit it hard and then soft, hit fast and slow,
Take the volley, let it bounce, hit high and then low.

I took all this advice and worked hard on my game,
My hot new pro was right, my squash would never be the same,
I thought and I calculated, I concentrated and added,
But now the four walls that surround me are padded!

Adam Hildred · Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 7:18 pm Post subject:

Brilliant

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Adam Hildred
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Calsquasher · Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 11:50 pm Post subject:

Great poem as always Poet. If you're not improving, glad to hear you're at least getting a good workout!
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"Drive for show, drop for dough."

Khalid · Contributor Joined: 27 Aug 2007 Posts: 17 Location: Kuwait

Your squash may not be improving...but your poetry is defintiley top class...Thanks for the smiles...we can all relate!
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Good luck with your Squash....coz luck has nothing to do with it!!